I want to wish you the worst

I want it to all finally crash down on you

I want the world to make you suffer

I want her to cheat on you

To maybe get close to the way

You made me feel

I know I shouldn’t want that though

They say time heals all wounds

And that’s true

But it’s also true that you’ve never left me

That I take you with me

Hold what you did to me

Every step of every day

Right next to my heart

And sometimes

I open it

I let it infect me

Infuse with my bloodstream

I let it take me over

Other days I forget it’s there

And then

I see you

On my phone

In my mind

In my dreams

And I’m transported back

Into the body of a 14 year old

Who was left

Alone

In more pain than I’ve ever felt in my life

And so

I want you to feel how I felt

And maybe that’s awful

Or maybe that’s human

And maybe I shouldn’t feel bad for feeling it

But I can’t help wondering

What if wishing bad things on you

Makes me deserving of it all