I keep a note on my phone titled
Mama Wants to Do.
On this list;
Pickled Onions
Preserved Lemons
Lemon Balm Syrup
Ginger Lemon Syrup
Mint Syrup
Blackberry Shrub
Vanilla Extract.
Little bullet points you can press
to make a little checkmark,
so you know you’re actually 
accomplishing something.
A simple little lie
to fill my time
and busy my hands.
I feed my sourdough starter
once a week 
a cup of the best freshly ground wheat
and a half a cup of water
and I watch her
bubble and grow 
and I feel like i’m nurturing 
I feel like I conquered something
just making bread rise
with gluten and water
and microbes 
and what passes for patience.
Three days of waiting, folding dough,
timing in half hour increments,
tied to the kitchen 
by a Mama’s willing apron strings.
Bread as a means of avoidance
of what Mama Actually Wants to Do
becauses Mama is afraid 
that all she is
is a Mama.