for a long time afterwards,
you think you are sick

you are sure he has
left you
with something contagious 

you see so many doctors

they draw so much blood
thick bruises layer your
inner arms
like second skin

you tell them
you can’t breathe
your heart beats too slow
you can feel the earth 
move beneath your feet

they tell you 
everything is okay
they tell you
you’re fine
you’re safe

but you know they are wrong

for a long time afterwards,
you won’t let anyone
touch you

always worried
what might happen
if they got too close