One Six Two Four [after an A Perfect Circle song]
I surrender to the pale sunlight slipping through the blinds
weighed down beneath a quilt damp with night sweats
a pillow made from my father’s shirt a hangover from
heart pills and hip pains three trips to the toilet an hour
of snooze buttons dreams comparing the prices of
firearms and impossibly tall ladders stomach pain from
the guilt that blooms every time I try to walk back a fuck-up
my youngest shifts beside me his head buried in the nook
between my shoulder and neck his fingers on my arm
in his sleep he lifts me toward the sun he calms these hands
before they can dig into my eyes his steady breaths say
that there are options that there is more to life than death
and I start to breathe I lean into him I choose to live
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damn. I recognize this. Keep going and making beautiful, honest work.