i have run out of safe spaces

safe people

and safe things

at home my mother sets a timer for me to scream and cry

she stares

and promptly slaps me if i wince a second after the timer goes off

i need more than one minute to cry

at school

it is embarrassing

and eyes slowly turn to swells of pity

and i overwhelm

and i still cry

i think i’m getting sick from holding it back

my nose is more stuffy than usual

the counselor is condescending

and she lies to me

but telling me to have hope is worse

it feels morally wrong

at dance i always fall

and it is noticeable on the walls

my blood splattered under invisible ink

and those eyes

they always come back

and to my friends i have lied

i have never been ok

but i do not care for explanation

especially not one from me