i stare at these white pages 
devestated 
shattered because
i can’t muster up the courage 
just to write 
so tired 
mind so empty
yet busy at the same time
too distorted to make rhymes 
too tortured to get out of bed
both from my mental and physical
stunted on both fronts
yet i yearn to spread ink
across this white abyss
so here i lay
writing about what plagues me
to push me forward onto the next