no matter how good
things are going 
there’s always that
empty familar
burn and sting 
that makes you jealous
of the excitement
those around you
are feeling

there’s no cure 
or a way to explain
how much you hate
yourself for feeling
like you’re trapped 
in a slow motion movie
where it’s hard to breathe
during every second
you’re laughing
with those that you 
more than anything
because that door
that they’re one day
going to open
to a one way trip
is waiting

there’s no real answer
to mend that thing
curled around the lungs
spiralling with the nervous system
blooming around the skull
trying to break in

from stranger to stranger
I love you
no matter what happens
the time of day
months or years
from this point
come find me
before you do
what you knew
you were going to do
for a very long time

they can tell you
the things they think
you want to hear
I promise you
I’ll try my best
to keep you 
my hands, my friend
have been on handle
with the world screaming
as a barbed monster
dressed up in sunshine
but I’ve found my way
to this moment
to you
whomever you are
that silent soul
filled with so much

I’ll keep things shut
for as long as you need