I used to tell Ellen early on
my heart hurts.
I’d left a sanctioned life,
an approved life,
I’d permanently abandoned
the life I’d been given.
I remember a time sitting
on the floor of the hallway
going through hand-embroidered
linens I’d been given as wedding
presents and bursting into tears
that seemed to erupt from
nowhere.  I knew I’d hurt
and mystified those close
to me.  The effect on my
young children unknown.
I only knew I had to leave.
I had to choose the authentic
life for me.  Only then could
I own my bone marrow, breathe
into the depths of my lungs.