she told me today that i looked so happy
i smiled back at her  

activating an invisible shield
attempting to block her ability to look right through me 

i can’t help thinking
maybe today is the day
i’ll be able to let go

of the idea that everyone would be better off without me 

then come the voices
a cacophony of deafening bells and alarms 

full of reminders that i am nothing more
than a burden  

dead weight – and a lot of it  

an imposter
in a body that constantly betrays me  

this body
an expert in mind games
never allowing the outside and inside to match  

this body is hanging on for dear life
clinging to side of a ledge  

willing someone to pull it back up  

i see a hand reach out
her hand
it grabs mine
fingers intertwining  

she pulls with all her might  

and i am flying
then falling

right before her feet  

i notice the crimson blood
coating the entirety of each hand  
not mine  

only then do i see
the blood is running down her arms  

she’s injured
but i can’t figure out where it’s coming from  

i found the wound
a tiny hole
in her heart  

she says i put it there
the moment i failed to see myself  

the way she sees me