standing in a dimly lit kitchen
with clean counters gleaming
the window plants bowed heavy 
with fully hydrated dark green leaves
a street light a distance down the road
creates a pale cirlce of pavement

and there I can hear the echoes of each
moment at this point year after year
extending backwards through time
all those years of pain, 
loathing and dread and fear
wrapped in overheated computer processors 
empty cans
crying children
family and those that I loved
screaming into the night 
at god
or at me

but this silence
standing in my underwear
my god
it’s all behind me