Its embarrassing at this point.
I want help.
I want love.
I want care.
I post vent videos saying I wasnt supposed to make it,
I’m not supposed to be here.
I give people all the signs they want, 
and absolutely no one could gve two shits,
not a single flying fuck
the I’m about to make a decision I can’t undo.

all my friends get so much support, 
paragraphs on their vent posts,
daily check-ins.
I get jack shit.

When someone shows me signs,
I stalk all of their social media like they killed my best friend.
I reach out and check in constantly,
I much all my effort into keeping someone else alive,
that I forget to make sure I don’t.
and I get nothing in return.
no matter how close we are,
are how great our friendship is,
or how amazing the person is.
I get nothing.

Empty handed so I hold the world in my hands.
giving gifts but never receiving them.
yeah, I have friends, plenty,
but would any of them pick me in a room full of people? 
do any of them worry about me?
would any of them notice if I disappeared?
why do I have to beg for love?
for care?
All I want is to be included.
does that take an attempt to get noticed?