It was where I thought
the synchronicity was leading,
the strawberry moon,
so I spent
so many days pouring
all of my hope into it.
It was going to be my pivoting point,
the fulcrum to the scales
tipping back into my favor.
And then the day came.
However, a reality check–what if nothing happens?–
in the anticipatory hours led me
into more questions needing asking.
Could I really believe
in everything I was hoping for?
What reason was there
to think that desire
was truly attached to the moon
and all of its reflection
of the sun I’ve been trying to raise?
to need and not know
or not know what you need?
Or to know what you need
and not know how to get it?
Or to not know you don’t need
whatever it is you think you need?
I’m thinking of a girl
in a phases of the moon shirt
and all I’ve stored up in her.
What happens if I try to fall
into her and she’s not real?
Where would all that hope go?
Would I only shatter myself
on all the rocks below?
Maybe she, too, is only a reflection
of the positive force I really need to find,
something to pour love and compassion
back into my hollowed and withering soul,
to lift me from a night that entombs me.
That could still be her, though, so I will
still go through the motions, if given the chance.
After all, I’m just a random text away
from failing to claw out of obscurity, but…
the moon cycles we could spend together…
As it is, I’m just fortunate
to have a sense of self-preservation
strong enough to kick in
whenever reality is about to break me, so I don’t
accidentally give myself away.