You kicked him out but not all the way out.
You always say you want peace & quiet
but in some wolf den in your mind it’s the last
thing you wanted then or now. What’s it all been for,
if not the way the hair on the back of your neck
stands up when he looks at you? Sometimes
you want him gone forever with his howling lying
beautiful mouth & you don’t give a good goddamn
how empty you are without him. But then
everything slows down & gets way too quiet
& instead of thinking about him every fucking
second of your life, you start thinking about yourself
& there’s a reason you stay away from mirrors.
It’s just easier in the end to have him there, his lip
curled & his fist balled, because then you know
who you are. You know they say you’re codependent.
You know they call you an enabler. But there’s
a blood moon tonight & you want him looming
in your bedroom door, claws out & hackles up
& in his yellow eyes that same old look.