I can’t get you off my mind,

can’t leave your memory behind.

I’ve got it bad.  I’d treat you good.

Yes I would, if you could.

‘Cause I’ve got skeletons in my closet,

a creature in my lagoon,

mogwais in the basement,

I’m gonna bathe them soon.

I’ve got the Wolf Man in the back yard

and Svengoolie on my TV.

But, honey, you’re the only thing

that’s haunting me.

My house was built on a burial ground

in 1863

And Stephen King comes over

and tells ghost stories

that’ll make you pee.

Freddy’s in all my dreams

And Jason and Michael are stalking me.

But, baby, you’re the only thing

that’s haunting me.

I’ve got vampire bats in my belfrey.

Frankenstein sucks up all my electricity.

There’s UFOs up in the sky

and Jaws down in the sea.

Godzilla’s fighting King Kong downtown.

It’s sure a sight to see.

But, sweetie, you’re the only thing

that’s haunting me.

My exterminator is a dalek.

I’m plagued with Egyptian mummies.

At night, I hear noises that sound

like Evil Dead Part Thirty Three.

Hannibal Lecter is having me for dinner

and my spinster aunts invited me for tea.

But, sugar, you’re the only thing

that’s haunting me.

Guillermo Del Toro bought my life rights.

Rod Serling keeps following me.

That couple from The Conjuring

ain’t got nothin’ on me.

I just adopted Cujo

and a teenager named Carrie.

But, sweetheart, you’re the only thing

that’s haunting me.

Vincent Price narrates my life.

I’m surrounded by zombies.

I ain’t got no brains to spare,

barely enough for me.

I live over a Hellmouth.

My neighbor’s named Buffy.

But, angel, you’re the only thing

that’s haunting me.

Norman Bates is my plumber.

He fixes my shower for free.

I’m feeding all my friends

to a plant named Audrey.

Carol Anne tells me we’ve got guests

But there’s none that I can see.

And, darling, you’re the only thing

that’s haunting me.

I went to hunt that Blair Witch,

got lost as I could be.

I found two sixes on my head,

I’m waiting on number three.

On my last fishing trip,

I accidentally caught Nessie.

But, boo, you’re the only thing

that’s haunting me.