you were our fairy tree
children climbed inside spilled
out of your hollow bowl like elves
they climbed up rough bark
to the top where a few leaves still
lingered
they leaned on you – beautiful
women loving you as grandmother
climbing inside you to the top
they bring their children to
your magic place, snap photos
remember who they used to be
I walk the dog and sit on your bench
at midnight and once
I became you I became a tree beneath the stars
fairy tree, ghost tree, old friend
He kept careful track of his lies over the years–
descriptions on the wall of his room,
background of his computer,
mirror in the bathroom.
Once, when he was a child.
Once in college.
He hadn’t realized how many he would need.
Now, he has one left.
It sits at the back of his throat
and his voice comes out
a quiet whisper
around it.
His wife screams she can’t hear him
and leaves.
Maybe if he had lied she would have stayed.
He has the last lie engraved on his tombstone.
There is no one left to know it isn’t true.
I go where I’m led.
Nothing about me is hard won.
I painted my face
With new makeup
Thickening each moment
Laying fantasy on reality
Upon fantasy.
Every feature
looked warped, lonesome,
unbelonging.
I’m a miserable actress-
Giving up,
Walking abstractly off stage,
To join the audience.
She came to the door to walk me to the bus stop
We were in first grade
My mom didn’t understand why a girl would make a special trip to our house for that reason
But there was a very good reason
The girl and I were engaged
We hadn’t set a date yet, but we were sure about this.
Fast forward to Summer
My fiancee and I were sitting on her front porch
I announced that I was going to my house to get the half-popsicle I had saved in the freezer and eat it
Explanation: Most kids in the neighborhood were allowed to buy the double popsicles from the popsicle man every day
Not me
I could get a popsicle every OTHER day
I had to break it in half and save the other half in the freezer for the following day
My future bride thought it was rude to eat my half-popsicle in front of her without offering her any
I tried to explain that it was only half, so I couldn’t split it any further
She didn’t accept that explanation
I ate the popsicle
Thus ended our engagement
What a shame
If we could have resolved that issue, it would have been a valuable lesson to teach our children.
well well well we meet again you remember the first time don’t you?
in that bar on Io or was it pluto
in a studio of kick drums hand claps and hums
or maybe this is the first time we grind
star dust into ear candy count bosuns by the billions
while i survey your neck line
neck and neck in a loved out foot race at the line break
break we break
the mental exhaustion that can come
from always being the chased
Is foreign to me and no this isn’t a game
girl its game, girl space age pimpin without the pimpin
these are the games computers play
to feel wanted I wanted to disconnect
make disjointed symphonies
until the sun raises
which one? whicherver we closest too
we can do
we can make up tonight break up tomorrow
borrow spare change and flip it into parsecs
throwdown on dance floors
and sex the oxygen depleted air
i want more of that
more of that today lets play
in butane storms on neptune
flick june bugs away in august in kentucky
if we lucky they wont notice our holograms
are weighed in grams sold in pounds
share pounds when the beat fades out
black sunshine stepping razorish over and over what?
I can’t say, that I don’t want for anything
I want what every half-classed junkie wants
to know today is gonna be different
to stop believing in the sage wisdom of fortune cookies
Is it too much to ask? that for ten bucks, I just want one to come true
I’ve been told it’s best not to “want for anything”
I don’t think that’s true
every warm-blooded one of us is a junkie for love
we all wanna believe the three words often said too soon
when all we know
is the withdrawal of an empty bed
the imbalance in our heads
and the only cure that makes sense
I admit I sing along with “let it be” whenever it plays, no matter who plays it
but if those are words of wisdom then I have no use for it anymore
because I can’t help but look back at the mess I’ve left behind
because I wanna push one of your buttons and cover it with duct tape
because I quit smoking
two week old thanksgiving leftover refridgerator turkey and all
because I want to spend old age in a cabin
on the sunny side of a dormant volcanoe
try and explain that Paul McCartney
In life there are no guarantees
except that; you shouldn’t want for anything
and you will find yourself wanting
that, we ought to sing along with the church quire hypnotic chant
“we allll live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yellow”
oh wait wrong song
but try as you might, you can’t hypnotize yourself into wisdom
In the end
it’s not peace we want
or tranquility
we want someone to tell us
what we already knew
but had no words for saying
when we found ourselves wanting
for nothing
