Posts for 2020 (page 220)

I asked my mama what’s wrong
With Sammy’s head. She said 
His smart mouth, that’s what.
Smacked him where it hurt too,
As if he would learn something.

He always said respect the police.
They’re crazy white men.Treat them Very careful.
You ain’t no child to them. You’re just a nigger.
Just like Mama said the same thing to Sammy.
She wimpered a little then,
Because of Justice. I think when she
Heard herself say it, she remembered Daddy.

have I forgotten
how lazy the fog

can be when first
attempting to cover

stately mountains
with mutable clouds

or have I never
looked so closely

or appreciated
the spaces left

i do not try to still my shaking. 
don’t try to hold together my vibrating big toe 
as it presses the gas peddle 
or quiet the tremor in my elbows as they 
connect down to the steering wheel 

i let the Body pulse and quiver and tremble with
all the words it does not say
all the sounds it does not shout 

my tongue sucks to the roof of its mouth 
and all the teeth clack as much as they want to 

Blank expressions weigh heavy on me
as I resume my place at the table
for our nightly session of staring.

Once more, we have brought nothing
to nourish ourselves or this failing relationship.
We starve striving to remember the taste of joy.

We used to be so good at this,
I sigh as I lose even more of myself
to your open fields, your cursory foot tap.

We used to dance a little every night,
a thousand steps to keep the heart beating
and many more if we were feeling frisky.

We used to talk and share all our secrets,
everything we were thinking and feeling
in naked unity.

Now we barely have any conversations,
like perfect memories somehow spoiled.
Your eyes trying to look anywhere but at me.

Blinking speaks the most, telling me
it’s my duty to fill this empty space,
to recover the meaning of life.

I am the one responsible
for bringing back the words we once adored.
You will not move on without me.

Except my confidence has been shattered over time
by bullies and bruises to pride and wellbeing.
My fire was stamped out by a world of misfortune. 

How does one find themself when have
nothing interesting they could possibly say more?
I fear no on will listen to what cannot be loved.

look at the cover
shiny black leather
hold it high
so all can see
if you only knew
the words inside
don’t matter as much
as how we live them

has a dog who won’t stop barking.
A boss who listens closely. Makeup
tutorials like “10 Looks for Zoom Calls.”

A lady buys my washing machine.
She pays me twice. She types so bad
I think she might be a bot. She shows

up unannounced and tells me Covid
is just like the flu. Refuses to wear a mask.
When I say I have immune issues, she says, “Me too.”

She wants a refund. On the phone with the bank
for 40 minutes. Did I mention the dog. Did I
mention she’s a Trumpist. Did I mention

she says cutting her a check for the refund
is fine and then it’s not and she wants cash.
My husband is a thundercloud today.

I’m dynamite. I’m on fire. I’m in a think tank
all week, meetings 8 hours a day. All this whining
and I haven’t mentioned, tonight, we’ve got guests coming.

I promised not to stress clean. I lied.

The memories
of us
wisp
through my
mind
like a gentle
summer’s
breeze,
remembering
is like
going outside
for the
first time
in
years,
emotional.
I yearn
to 
see them 
again,
even to just
sit
in the
same room
as them
would be a
blessing,
but right now,
having
that many
people
in
one room is 
dangerous,
so I
will wait
and
relive
these memories
until
we can
make
more.

he says i’m a sweetheart 
but i’m more like rock candy – 
hard to chew 
and easy to shatter. 

Monsoon calls to you

Internal decibels screaming

Nothing compares to the real thing