Posts for June 14, 2026 (page 13)

I am orders of magnitude 
less miserable than I was, my 
second self, an exquisite misery found 
fixing and collating you, library 
and litany of butterflies.  

You and a complete, utter 
unawareness of you. I wouldn’t trade 
for happiness.

Uprooting from one continent to another

At nearly 12 years old,

Left me feeling destitute in belonging.

I wandered around for 18 years,

Asking anyone and everyone for a morsel of acceptance they could spare,

Thanking them profusely for every tiny crumb, 

It was not until blowing out the 30th candle on my cake that

I looked up and realized 

I have been sitting in the oasis of acceptance and love for some time now. 

this was it.
the day I turn the big 16.

I genuinely never thought I’d make it past, at most, 14.
2 years later.
can I take another 2 years?
I sit there pondering the answer to my previous question 2 days ago
when I was a kid I’d play with barbies,
pretending I was 15 years old.
and now I’m past that age.

I was planning that this be my last day,
expecting to feel nothing the second the clock stricks 12.
just like every birthday.
but now its different.
my mind rings with the number 16,
like adding a number
added to my freedoms.
but it was only when I heard that sound,
read that message,
I realised the time had come where I become closer to myself.
and when I got that text,

12:01AM,
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY I LOVE U SO SO MUCH”

how strange.
too strange.
I’m invisible, remember?

12:09AM,
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY”
“HAVE A AMAZING BEAUTIFUL BIRTHDAY”

thats not right.
that doesnt make sense.
no one cares abut me, right?

12:10AM,
“omg happy birthday”

I’m not even close with you.
why would u want to get too close to me?
I’m just a fucking germ.

I know I dont deserve it,
but holy shit I want it so bad.
I’ve wanted it for as far away the stars are.

I may change my mind,
but my greed for love is simply overwhelming.
when part of it is satisfied,
the stars collide.

I will continue being hard on myself. 
So I’m breaking things down.
no more 2 days,
start with 2 months,
then 2 months,
then 2 months.

instead of 24 months,
it will feel like 12.
may still be a lot,
but I’m curious too see
what life will become.
I guess curiousity saved the cat.

and so did the people I thought would ruin it.
I said if they didnt text me I’d do it.
and they text me within a minute.
I’m so confused.
But I won’t question how I get the things I want.
I’ll let my greed consume me,
it might make me hate myself more,
but at least it extends my deadline

Should be a day for waving that flag and pride for my country
Not for stroking the ego of a demented leader
Not for watching him destroy the White House history
Not for a wrestling match on our lawn
Not for stealing our country’s dignity
Not for leading with lies and more lies
Not for curbing the arts, our health, our education
Not for setting more margins for the marginal
Just simply NOT. 

No
I
did-
n’t
know
how
to
say
your
name*
I
died
in
your
mind
flash-
ing
by
like
a
light
The
job
you
gave
I
lost
I
failed
I
bailed
on
your
trust
Then
On-
ly
then
did
I
write
the
poems
a-
gain

*Niv, prounced Neev 

Kentucky gave me life
NYC made my life
NYKers grind
we work hard
those of us who thrive
we some kind a special
believe it when they say
it will make you or break you
Let’s give it to us
when we are seconds down 
and a few points away
we bring it on home
Yay!

Woman tucked bank notes promised to Unwed Mothers Home in her pocket.