My Mom Could Cuss Like a Sailor*
—*contains actual cuss words
So, imagine my delight
when she decided
to go back to church.
Reverend Musman,
the true disciple
of the Apostle Paul,
was a tough judge.
She had to find ways
around her favorite
litanies like Daddy’s
own improvisation
when he hit his thumb
with a hammer:
God-damn-mother-fuckin-
son-of-a-bitchin’-bastard.
She couldn’t even tell
guffawing daughters
to go to hell given
her new bout
with Methodism.
When we squealed at the sight
of Easter eggs crowned
with paper bunny ears,
all she could muster was
If you don’t like my bunny,
you can go to blazes.
Drummed so hard by laughter,
I still feel my ribs pound.
7 thoughts on "My Mom Could Cuss Like a Sailor*"
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Love this — especially the teasing about the bunny ears. Such a family thing to do.
And I say:
God-damn-mother-fuckin-/son-of-a-bitchin’-bastard.
Amen!
You had me at the title.
This is hilarious! My mom would have fainted at “actual cuss words”!
fantastic view!
You’re such a great storyteller. I really enjoyed reading this!
Good story and memorable ending!