My Mom Could Cuss Like a Sailor*
—*contains actual cuss words
So, imagine my delight
when she decided
to go back to church.
Reverend Musman,
the true disciple
of the Apostle Paul,
was a tough judge.
She had to find ways
around her favorite
litanies like Daddy’s
own improvisation
when he hit his thumb
with a hammer:
God-damn-mother-fuckin-
son-of-a-bitchin’-bastard.
She couldn’t even tell
guffawing daughters
to go to hell given
her new bout
with Methodism.
When we squealed at the sight
of Easter eggs crowned
with paper bunny ears,
all she could muster was
If you don’t like my bunny,
you can go to blazes.
Drummed so hard by laughter,
I still feel my ribs pound.
13 thoughts on "My Mom Could Cuss Like a Sailor*"
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Love this — especially the teasing about the bunny ears. Such a family thing to do.
And I say:
God-damn-mother-fuckin-/son-of-a-bitchin’-bastard.
Amen!
You had me at the title.
This is hilarious! My mom would have fainted at “actual cuss words”!
fantastic view!
You’re such a great storyteller. I really enjoyed reading this!
Good story and memorable ending!
love the relish shown for your mom in this poem
Still laughing…
and love the glorious sounds and the way the words fill your mouth and spew in profound fullness of
“God-damn-mother-fuckin-
son-of-a-bitchin’-bastard.”
omg this made me laugh. My dad loved to cuss, and I have to admit I’m especially fond of your dad’s string of curses:
God-damn-mother-fuckin-
son-of-a-bitchin’-bastard.
I agree with Shaun. Roberta, you are one helluva of a storyteller.
Thanks for your lovely comments. I am struggling to keep up, but trying to read as much as I can.
This is a wonderful story–love the humor (and the cuss words)!
Love this poem! The title kills!