How did I get here

Counting praises like it’s all I have left to do

Dreading plans that I made

Spitting into a sink that’s not mine

Every little thing I do

Every person I love

Every idea I believe

Every step I take

Feels like it

Doesn’t fucking matter

What do I want

Who am I becoming

Why do I care

Every night I have to think of a phantom hand around my throat

Before I can drift off into dreamless sleep

Everything I’ve built

What does it matter

If I don’t want it anymore