Everything is bad today except carrots
Who are little orange hard things made of dirt
So it is strange we eat them
Everyone should eat some dirt
I especially wish they would today
Because then not only would I have carrots,
but I would also get to see people eat dirt
Eating dirt as a formative experience
built most of my only likeable traits
goblins and nightmares will quake
at the great strength my carrots imbue me with
nobody will be able to do anything about me