The Heavy Weight of Quiet
I’m sitting in my rocking chair,
in my bedroom,
this place not yet home,
where my pet Chihuahua
died on Sunday, where my son
lived with me.
I’m alone, this silence
I once wanted.
A heavy weight.
The doorbell rings—I jump.
Two cable men, one still learning.
polite, efficient, already moving
through my rooms.
I offer coffee, water. They decline.
Not here to linger.
I need the Wi-Fi for my printer.
What did we do without TV and Internet?
I need the Wi-Fi for my printer.
I’m a long way away
From carbon paper and purple mimeograph ink.
And still I am alone
with the memory of a three-pound body
racing the length of the house,
licking my face,
wagging tail,
a metronome of joy,
barking at nothing,
curling into sleep beside me.
7 thoughts on "The Heavy Weight of Quiet"
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Oh, this one hurts my heart. The emptiness and the silence are both portrayed so well. Even when the cable guys are there, it doesn’t help, because it’s the wrong kind of noise and presence. You wrote this very well.
Thank you so much.
Heartbreaking journey but lovely craft!
Thanks, Deanna.
Thank you for this. It is heavy indeed. I find as a person who has been alone many decades and without any family (medically I can’t be around animals) that people who have not experienced this kind of “alone” live on another planet entirely from me. It is exceedingly difficult to convey the reality of aloneness in words that (maybe?) those who have not lived it can understand. You have done it so well. Thank you for standing in and speaking into the breach.
I’m so sorry too for your recent loss.
P.S. I live without wifi for medical reasons and you can definitely still get an older USB-connecting printer if you like. They are about $20 and easy to find secondhand or on FB mktplc :).
I’m so sorry.
This piece has a lot to learn from. I loved The description of “a metronome of joy” as sensory measurement to measure sound and time.
“a metronome of joy” beautiful