I was deep in thought
remembering the mesmerizing beauty
of wild Walking Ferns by the dozens
on the moss covered face
of a massive slab of limestone five miles
on foot into unprotected forest
on Canada’s Bruce Peninsula.
This staggeringly brilliant image
was alternating in semi consciousness
with viewing a stand of Calypso Fairy Slippers
over a hundred strong,
hidden on a flat spot of a huge granite bolder,
deep in the pathless woods of Flowerpot Island.
In this state of detached reverie,
I poured milk on a slice of bread and spread
peanut butter into a glass I had arraigned for lunch.
Immediately I went to my computer
to look up the seven surefire, guaranteed, signs
that a person will get Alzheimer’s
within the next ten years.
Much to my delight neither of the accidents
of inattention I had just perpetrated
was on the list.
So I’ve got that going for me anyway—
which is nice, to quote Bill Murray in Caddyshack,
which, if you haven’t watched lately, you should.
I cleaned up the mess and ate a 1 pint jar
of Heinz Genuine Whole Dill Pickles
with a bag of Fritos Brand Original Corn Chips
the 9 ½ oz. bag, chased with a glass of Ocean Spray Diet Cranberry.
Unless you’ve been under a rock lately
you know your gut micobiome
controls everything else that goes on in your body.
As you would expect, most Americans
are out of whack.
The recommendation is that we need to eat
a lot more fermented foods, like pickles.
I also read that Americans are not eating
nearly enough salt, bacon and eggs, or dark chocolate.
Then Curious.com taught me
that there are now over 1100 phony medical journals
where all a scientist has to do is pay a fee
and their paper will be published,
and counted when Tenure time comes up.
This brings a frightening new meaning to the phrase
Publish or Perish.