Posts for 2020 (page 134)

Category
Poem

Green Tea in the Morning

I drink green tea in the morning
tomorrow is already yesterday
I’ll never get that sliver of time back
each ticking moment is a heartbeat

What day is it
I blink and yesterday is tomorrow
there is an ache buried in between the seconds
the clock hands are hammers

How subtle the passage of time
as one breath bleeds into another
the thunderous smashing of moments
today is just an alternative to yesterday

I blink and another week rolls by
a gray fog like an early morning mist
thinking about the way the weeks blend together
I start the day with green tea


Category
Poem

Pine Mountain Cemetery XI A Lamb’s Tale

Pine Mountain Cemetery XI
A Lamb’s Tale

Lambs on a tombstone make one cry.
Beneath the fleecy innocence rests
A child missed for years untold.

But not all lambs tell of grief and pain.
Look at the one black stone there left.
The lamb-drawn urn tells a funny tale.

Little Ed crossed an unknown field
Searching for a path to home again.
Sun long set left shadows long, dark.

There. Right behind him he heard a sound,
Scared, he yelled loud and long for someone
Tall to come carry him far from the monster

Ready to grab him and eat him whole.
“Why little one look behind us, lost as you, baby
Lamb, thinks you the monster and he the meal.”

Three years is mighty young to create a myth
That lasts until the man is grown and gone. Lambs
Were always his tease, made him blush and grin.

You’d think his prissy wife might spare him
One last swipe at the fear filled night across
The meadow, under the cliff, far from home.

But no she knew that his fright marked
Him as one of them in a way no one else did.
Walking through we all need a good story.

Good myths hold the clan together, or did
Until more died than were sprouted to pass
Tales from tongue to memory and back again.


Category
Poem

I Could Have Made this Up, But I Didn’t Have To

While staring out my window

On my still, suburban street

I saw a hawk a rabbit catch

And rabbit he did eat.

 

The fur he shook from off himself,

And turned to see me there

I made no move but flew he still

Away into the air.

 

What world is this, I said aloud

No justice will be found

Until the hawk an eagle meets

Who shakes him all around.

 

No malice meant, I understood,

The feathers and the fur

Would meet again, Solomon knows,

The world is as it were.

As I gazed down at the roadway,
Quite unsettled in my skin,

The fur no longer fur it seemed –

I had to know right then.

And so I, in a nightgown clad,

Slipped out into the street

To settle once, for all, the question

What did that hawk eat?

No fur I saw but feathers, yes

The rabbit still lives on

But the kinsman of the hawk, I fear,

(A pigeon) now is gone.

 

No lesson, though, no moral

Have I come here to provide

Just the strong perhaps I always hold:

It’s best to stay inside.


Category
Poem

Memories of us endure in the things we leave behind

The things I brought home as keepsakes – 

The bleached-white of 

A sand dollar

A shard of coral

A piece of bone

An empty claw 

A discarded shell 

A shed scale

A lost tooth 

A persistent attempt to use death as rememberqnce for a day when

The waves swayed us both

coral and fish and 

sunbleached hair floating in a cloud 

Moving with the slow rise and fall 

Of an ocean’s warm breath 

Together 

In the quiet blue water

We were
vibrantly

Beautifully 

Alive


Category
Poem

For my Grandfather

Gene Autry owned the 
Los Angeles Angels 
for 36 years.
I also know that’s 
Greenland 
is the world’s largest 
island,
and that the 
Lone Ranger 
had a best friend named 
Tonto. 
He rode a horse called 
Silver. 
I never forget these things
because of 
you. 

I’ve watched you 
pilot planes 
from your 
home office,
you can operate a 
ham radio 
better than 
anyone, probably. 
You tell stories 
about me 
that I can’t even
remember. 

You’ve given your 
grandchildren
the best pieces of
yourself.  
I wouldn’t be 
me
without 
them. 

I’m writing this to
you
so that you can have a piece of 
me too. 
I want you to know 
it’ll always be 
yours. 

PS I love you, Pop Pop. 


Category
Poem

Send me a Sign

In the early days I would beg for traces of you.
You obliged my yearnings with a hummingbird hovering
above the crimson geranium on the porch- a first!
My orchids waved with no breeze as I paid bills 
at the kitchen table.
I am always under the watchful eyes of Clancy
our therapy dog who crossed over to an emotional 
support role instinctively knowing the need.
Following instructions from you I’m sure.
The day after we scattered your ashes in the waters of Maui
you gave me a magical journey as I snorkeled with a
special green sea turtle.
Your voice fills my ears when I am most unaware.
Special songs suddenly pop from the radio.

I still ask for signs and got one that stays.
Your distinctive flared nostrils grace Jaxson’s face.
He is the grandson you never met. The one born 
sixteen months after.
My heart leaps every time.


Category
Poem

my self portraits are my best work, though i’m not sure they look like me

i wish i could blend my words as well as my colored pencils. i wish my obsession with my reflection manifested in self love, rather than the endless need to create an indefinite series of portraits of my naked body.

the absolute narcissism of opening my sketchbook to me, true blue and poppy red. the absolute narcissism of displaying the two molds of my left boob in my bedroom doorway. the absolute narcissism of someone with three mirrors on the same wall.

and still! i can’t recognize the face and body that fluctautes the longer i stare.
please look at me! i can’t look at myself!


Category
Poem

untitled

i always wanted to grow too tall to be scared
to just shoot up into the sky, past the clouds,
into the atmosphere where i’d wave at satellites
and the air would be thin but i’d save my breath
id be silent and smile dumbly at the stars
but i drank too much coffee as a little kid
and smoked too many cigarettes as teen
and only eat ashes and banana peels now
and talk loud so everyone notices me 
and i read to many books so i’m too smart
i read somewhere that no one grows that tall
then i learned what stars are made of
then i mixed the ashes into my coffee and drank up
then i thought too hard with my smarts about life
then i couldn’t get out of bed too scared that i’d fall 
straignt through the floor and into the mantle
then it’d be too late to finally grow too tall.
 


Category
Poem

Monument to Human Industry

The most human invention is
The pile:
Chaotic and sprawling,
Monument to “I don’t care,”
To “I don’t want to,”
To “I can’t”—
All of the ways in which we fail ourselves
On our way to failing others.


Category
Poem

Feminism

What’s the word for being both completely restless and exhausted at the same time?
When you repeat yourself like a broken record only for someone to stamp a big red label on your forehead that says “feminist” so that everyone knows to disregard your pleas of “stop raping us!”?
Why must the phrase “me too” carry feminism like a war flag?
Why must I carry myself as a war flag?
I don’t want to be a war flag!
No one says “Mommy, when I grow up, I want to fight a constant war with the world around me to prove that my body is mine.”.
No one says “Mommy, I want to be a war flag”.
I want to be a dancer
an author
a poet
a doctor.
I want to be a person that lives in a world of people.
Right now, we are simply dandelions rooted in fields of elephants.
Right now, we are being taught to accept the fact that being crushed is inevitable instead of learning that our seeds are the way out.
We don’t want to be known as the 1 in 5
the 1 in 3
the 51.1%
the 8 in 10.
We are not statistics.
We are daughters
sisters
mothers
wives
friends.
Not that our relationship to the world matters but that’s what we have to say so that we matter.
We want to be people that are allowed to say “I’m not okay.”
“I’m scared”
“I’m hurting”
“He did this.”
without having the flaming coals of society forced down our throats by
“You’re lying”
“He would never”
“Boys will be boys.”
“Well, what were you wearing?”.